For much of the flight, the gentleman in 13A noticed nothing out of the ordinary. He smiled at the stewardess. He enjoyed beverages. He made use of a pillow. The normal hum of the cabin helped him along quite nicely. In fact, he’d always found the normal hum of the cabin to be rather comforting.
Then something went BANG! and the normal, comforting hum of the cabin erupted into something else entirely. The overall chord, if it can be called that, began to rise steadily in pitch, and became a bit, well, discordant, if you will.
This combined with the fact that the gentleman’s stomach felt as if it were falling out of the sky (which in fact was precisely what was happening) led him towards a state of some mild apprehension as he woke.
“Oh dear,” he said, blinking his eyes, and coming out from under his blanket. “Is this bird going down?”
The passenger in 13B lowered his copy of Equus and peered over his spectacles. Tray tables were rattling, and a good number of beverages seemed to be quivering about and falling to the floor.
“Yes, here we go,” said the passenger in 13B, returning to his magazine.
This struck the gentleman in 13A as odd. “Is it not typically in a much more controlled fashion?” he said. “After seatbelt instructions, and announcements regarding local weather and such?”
“No, I wouldn’t expect any announcements,” said the passenger in 13B, cocking his head to get a better look through his lenses to the page.
A scream arose from the rear of the cabin. It wasn’t exactly one of terror. In fact, when the gentleman in 13A turned round, he saw the screamer, arms upraised, with a big grin on his face. “Wooo,” said the screamer.
Across, the aisle, the woman in 15C stripped off her clothes and straddled the man removing his pants in 15D.
A terrible screech ripped through the cabin, as if a great swath of fuselage were being torn off the plane. That was, in fact, exactly what was happening. An explosion of wind sucked a number of laptops and James Patterson books into the night sky. Some of the owners of these followed right after, and some of those who remained behind let out a cheer.
“Ah, well done!” said, the passenger in 13B, glancing up from his Equus.
“I say,” said the gentleman in 13A. “Are you not at all frightened?”
The passenger in 13B looked over his glasses. Then he removed them, letting them dangle from the chain about his neck. His copy of Equus flew out of his hand, leaving him holding only the bottom corner of a page. He sighed and let this too go, then folded his hands in his lap and turned back to the gentleman in 13A. “And what do you suppose I might be frightened of?”
The gentleman in 13A shifted under his blanket to fully face the passenger in 13B. “Well, it would seem that we might all be about to die.”
“Yes,” the man stated, as if stating the obvious.
The gentleman in 13A blinked quizzically. “Does that not concern you?”
“Look here,” said the man in 13B, as the starboard wing broke off and the aircraft went arse over teakettle. “What did you think this was going to be like?” He gripped his armrests as what was left of the plane began to tumble towards the planet below.
The gentleman in 13A shifted defensively under his blanket as the atmosphere ripped through his hair. “By that do you mean riding this piece of aeroplane to my grave? Because I hadn’t anticipated that.”
“Look here,” said the man, shaking his head as he realized he’d started his last sentence the same way. The wind caught his cheek and pulled it back towards his ear. “What I mean is, where exactly were you expecting to touch down?” He was shouting now. To be heard over the din.
“Why, Gatwick, of course.”
“Ah, well. I am sorry. This plane was never bound for Gatwick.”
“Is it possible I’ve gotten on the wrong plane?” yelled the gentleman in 13A.
“It’s likely,” cried the passenger in 13B, as the wind wrapped his face around the back of his head. “We’ve all one way tickets to – ”
The passenger in 13B did not finish his sentence, for at that moment, the plane touched down. A bit more aggressively than the gentleman in 13A would have liked, and a thunderous ball of fire consumed them both.
brilliant!
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Many thanks!
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*laughing* Love the title! And…the end was priceless! But I do feel a bit bad for the fellow, Walt.
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Thank you, I actually like that title, and I usually don’t. Like my titles, that is.
Yes, it’s a pity, isn’t it? Or maybe he had it coming. You can’t be too sure about these things, I think.
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Oh, they’re usually good…I think.
I suppose you’re right. Maybe he was a murderer?
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A murderer?! No! Do you think?
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Yes, possibly!
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Would a murderer fly to Gatwick? Or just off the handle?
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Not sure, Shane. We may have to ask one.
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Pingback: One Evening Aboard the Wrong Plane | operation CDL
I really like this! Especially the passenger on seat 13B.
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Thank you. I liked him to. Sorry to see him bite it.
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Pretty good!! Love the banter!
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Thankee kindly.
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Fantastic! Best one since the Chickens. I’m trying to think of why the man in 13B would be reading Equus, a play about a disturbed young man who mutilates horses. I suppose it’s a thin book so it would fit neatly in your carry on luggage…
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That is a play, too, isn’t it? I was thinking of a magazine that’s about horses. It just seemed like what he would be reading.
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Yes, it’s a notorious play by Peter Shaffer. I’ve never seen it or read it though.
Anyway this was great – just checking my seat number for my flight next week…
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I never knew about it until Daniel Radcliff of Harry Potter fame starred in it. I haven’t seen it or read it either. But if it’s even half as good as Amadeus, it must be pretty good. After your comment, I thought about changing the name of the thing he is reading to something else. Maybe Horse & Rider. But that’s just not very eloquent. http://www.com-sub.biz/uploads/images/full/ab2e53828d4afd15342f19f9ae0572f3.JPG
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Thank the good Lord somethings are fiction 🙂 I held my breath all the way.
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Yes, good thing this was a made up thingy. Thanks for sticking with it! Sometimes I think, “do readers want to read a story that ends with an all-consuming ball of fire? Probably not.” And then I write it anyway, because I don’t really have a choice in the matter. 🙂
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I nearly died laughing at ‘the aircraft went ass over teakettle’, what wonderful word choice! 😉
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Thanks, I like that one too. It’s a British expression that’s been around for awhile but I don’t know how much it’s used anymore. No one here in the States would ever say that.
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Well, the expression my Dad always used (a Greater London boy, born and bred) was ‘A over T’, which was a euphemism (when mixing in polite society, you understand) for ‘Arse over Tit.’ That’s ‘Arse’, my dears, not ‘Ass’.
And I HAVE read Equus (lord knows why – I think I went through a wild, heady, teen phase of READING play scripts – even Shakespeare! Crazy) and it’s … disturbing. The main protagonist sings advert jingles whilst being questioned about animal bothering and mutilation. It might make more sense to me now – might 🙂
Loved the tone of the ‘Wrong Plane’ – such calm/ joy/ bewilderment when really they should have been crying/ screaming/ tearing each other’s faces off.
The idea of a Suicide Airline is interesting. I wonder if their would be any interest in running it for real? I suspect there might be, but the price of tickets (covering the cost of trashing a passenger plane/ clearing up debris each trip) might put the fare out of the price range for the main demographic. How about a Suicide Bus Company instead? Have I overthought this?
Great story with great dialogue – loved the quirky theme and style. Always a pleasure
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Ah, you’re right. I should have written arse not ass. The Brits and the Americans spell it differently, but the pronunciation is pretty similar.
While you’re not overthinking it, I myself definitely had not considered the financial feasibility of such an undertaking. Suicide transportation is certainly a high-end luxury business geared towards the clinically depressed, which would indeed place it in a rather “niche” market.
Thanks for the nice feedback, much appreciated!
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Ha! Niche, but with the right marketing plan … Always great to read your posts
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mmm excellent read, you are a frightfully good writer
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Thanks! Your comment made my day! 🙂
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13B and the stiff upper lip. Only an Englishmen would face eternity in such a manner – or think he would. Personally, I believe he would be screaming with the rest of us. Nice surprise ending, Walt!
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Thank you, kind sir. I know I would be screaming like a little girl, myself.
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And that should have been ‘EnglishmAn’ – an edit too late…
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That was beautifully written. But, I do feel sorry for the poor man.
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Thank you very much for the kind words! Yes, it was an awful way to go for the poor guy, he seemed nice. But you never know… Could it have been karma?
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That is so true. But, if it were karma I wonder what he did?
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Not sure, but it must have been rather wicked.
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Reblogged this on andrewsogomo and commented:
Great read. Funny and yet sad at the same time
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Thank you so much for the reblog and kind words! Yes, you can’t help but feel sorry for the old boy. But maybe he had it coming? Karma, you know. Not sure. Just thinking out loud.
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Reblogged this on n0-f4k3rs-z0n3.
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wow i just love it!!!
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Thank you!
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your welcome!
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good work walt (Y)
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Thank you again!
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I love this dark humor. Very lovely. Thank you for an enjoyable read.
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Thank you! I do like to dabble in dark humor now and again. Glad you liked it!
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Uh oh, a good reminder to us all to double check our tickets! 😉
I’m a big fan of the “Oh dear”
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Yes, I was just on a plane yesterday and was thinking of this story. I couldn’t think of anything I would have done other than grip the armrests and scream.
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This is so so good!
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Hahaha must admit I saw the end coming, but it was still a very enjoyable read. You’re clearly a talented writer and well worth my follow. I’m a fellow writer, and I’d appreciate your feedback on my work if you have the time, if not I’ll be sure to pop over to see what new stories you’ve wrote. Best of luck and keep writing 🙂
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Yes, I’m more surprised when people DON’T see the end coming. Thanks for reading. I will check out your blog.
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Thanks, that really means a lot 🙂
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What did I just read? HAH! I loved it 😀
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Thank you, mcfliptables. Great handle, by the way.
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why, thank you 🙂
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its amazing ^_^
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🙂
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woow! your style is amazing… i’m really into writing so would you have any tips for me to work on so I can improve? if you could check out my blog maybe that would help; your decision though. Thaaaanks 🙂
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Thanks for stopping by and reading. Looks like you are off to a good start on your blog. Keep it up! 🙂
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Reblogged this on THE ANGRY BIRD and commented:
What a nice piece
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Glad you liked it. I kind of shrugged my shoulders on this one and said, well, I like it, even if others won’t, and clicked “post.” Glad I was wrong about that!
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Haha, you were wrong about thinking others won’t like it. Kept reading it over and over. You have so much talent.
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🙂
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what a brilliant read!
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Thanks! This is one of my favorites too. Glad you enjoyed it. I never thought many others would.
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Hmm . . . one way tickets to . . . hell? Am I blind? because everyone is saying this is funny but all I saw was a plane with some bizarre things going on and then blowing up. I require some form of an explanation.
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Well I understand why you might need more from it, but I’m sorry to say I don’t have anything for you. I was sitting in the bleachers at my daughter’s gymnastics practice and I felt like doing some writing, so I wrote this on my phone. It made me laugh so I posted it. It’s what they call dark humor, and there is no purpose or moral or point to be made. It’s just a bizarre situation, and completely out of the realm of reality. That’s what makes dark humor successful, in my opinion. You have to know that it can’t really happen. Sorry you didn’t like it, but thanks for reading and commenting!
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Thank you for your time and dealing with my negative personality! I have read very few humorous novels at all, so my opinion is not the most valid. Do not take that comment as a discouragement to you continuing writing. Keep going!
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No worries at all. I love that story but I certainly don’t expect everyone else to. And I would still love it even if no one else did! Have a good weekend!
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I do not think he had it coming. I also do not think this was karma. He was just the “normal” one on the plane. Myself would be sitting in 15C 😀 or screaming as I was in a rollercoaster.. in the story.. I think I would join you and scream like a little girl..
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You’re probably right…probably just bad luck. Or a poorly researched purchase. Glad you would join me, I’d rather not go down alone! 🙂
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hehe great!
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I’m pretty sure it wasn’t the tequila that had me laughing so hard. This is hilarious.
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I started this one on my phone while at my daughter’s gymnastics practice. Finished it at home and got a good laugh out of it too, but was apprehensive about posting it. I was afraid no one would get the humor. Glad you liked it!
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