Ode to the Upside-Down Squeezable Ketchup Bottle

O, Upside-Down Squeezable Ketchup Bottle! You are a relatively recent invention. I remember a time before you were born. Such a Miserable Time! A time dominated by your uncompromising predecessor made of glass. He was not squeezable. Nor was he cooperative. We thumped his bottom while holding him upside down. Usually nothing happened. Until too…

Ode to the Hipster

O, you magnificent Hipster, you! You independent thinker, you counter-cultural devil! Let us hear you espouse progressive politics and appreciation for art, indie-rock, and witty banter. Let us hear you pooh-pooh your favorite band after they get played on the radio. You are so hip! Look at you puttering about your urban neighborhood in vintage thrift…

Ode to Heavy Metal

O, Heavy Metal Music! You caught me unawares one night when I, alone in my bedroom, had the radio set to Q102, Texas’ Best Rock. You interrupted an endless parade of “meh” rock songs with “Two Minutes to Midnight” by Iron Maiden, the opening riff of which caused every ear attached to my head to…

Ode to a Hot Dog Man

O, Hot Dog Man! You make your Hot Dogs in your trailer. You also make hamburgers, and bratwurst, and delectable grilled cheese sandwiches. And people come from all over town to buy them and eat them and love them. You are so good at what you do! Thank you for being there in the parking…