Ode to the Upside-Down Squeezable Ketchup Bottle

O, Upside-Down Squeezable Ketchup Bottle! You are a relatively recent invention. I remember a time before you were born. Such a Miserable Time! A time dominated by your uncompromising predecessor made of glass. He was not squeezable. Nor was he cooperative. We thumped his bottom while holding him upside down. Usually nothing happened. Until too…