Simulated Bird Strike Number Three

What follows is the chicken story referenced in They Say This Is Great Writing. Now, the chicken story is not an example of great writing. But a couple of people expressed interest, and it does have some good laughs, so here it is. Page breaks are placed strategically throughout, but WordPress seems to be hiding them way down…

The Sproink-Thump of Love

Astute readers will note that with this post I am already breaking my recent pledge to stay under 1000 words. I apologize for my inconsistency, but inconsistency is one of the few traits I demonstrate with consistency. Also, my pledge was largely about me managing my own time, and since this was written before my…

The Plug Is Pulled

Ahoy. If you have read this, then you may understand why I’m abandoning poor Butterloins in the snow, just as he was on to something. Littlejohn too. Whatever the good doctor is up to inside that vile place, I don’t think we shall soon find out. I do hate to leave them like this. But something…

She Smelled of Champagne

The young man found 13A, bumped many heads stashing his bag overhead, sat down, rifled through the magazines in the seat back before him, buckled his seatbelt, sighed, and turned to the occupant of 13B. “Old,” he said, and immediately clamped a hand over his mouth. “I’m sorry. Sometimes my thoughts just pop right out.”…

This Is How You Lose Her

Friends and Seinfeld. Woody Allen, Ed Burns, Dave Letterman.  New York, New York.  Fifth Avenue and Times Square and the Upper East Side. Oh, to have address in the Seventies near Central Park, but not in a building of white brick, not embarrassing white brick, oh god no. Stand at the corner of Lexington and…

Rothchild Declares His Parlor’s Independence

Dear All, I truly regret that my duty to my employer, the unfortunate Rothchild, is to hereby put forth publicly the following claims on his behalf, which he dictated with as much clarity as he could muster in his current condition, which is not a very good one. With vigorous cordiality, Dr. Littlejohn, Esq. The…