We chew and spit you out

After he won I was in shock for I-don’t-know how long. Weeks. Months. The world felt bizarre, surreal. I remember looking at people who looked like Republicans. I remember eating lunch in restaurants with people who looked like business people eating lunch. I’d come to know they were not to be trusted, but I didn’t know they were like this. I mean, I knew they were like this, because they were not like what my textbooks had taught me we should be like. Not freaking out. But I didn’t know.

I checked the news I-don’t-know how often, for months. I thought the story would break any moment now. Any second. I thought we’d fix this. I thought he’d be removed.

I should have known better. They had so many chances to stop him. If they’d wanted to, if they were going to, they would have. The founding fathers, some of them at least, are spinning in their graves, beating fists against coffin lids, wanting out, wanting to shout how this is exactly what they were talking about, why they fought for things like checks on stupidity, on demagoguery.

There’s no point in following the news anymore. It’s all corrupt. All of it. There are those who fight to bring him down, and those who fight to prop him up. And the only ones who pay attention are the ones who’ve already decided, and they aren’t influenced by the other side. At all. Unless by influenced we mean fueled for the fight.

I’ve lost interest. I am exactly what they want from me. I am the outrage beaten into submission. I am the ignorant masses who forget last week’s outrage after this week’s outrage. I am the one who becomes numb to outrage in the face of outrage after outrage.

I used to say that what we call corruption in other countries we call here ‘doing business.’ And now I say we don’t even bother doing business anymore, we just do what we want, fuck it all and fucking no regrets, as James Hetfield once said. We just lay our corruption on the table and deny it being what it is. We lie, and we lie, and we lie. And we fight. And we lie some more.

My professor arrives fifteen minutes late to every class, plops down at his desk, unloads his bag, asks what we learned last week, what was in the news, what might affect our profession. I want to tell him what I’m saying here, that it doesn’t matter, that it’s all horse shit and we’re all going to die, and the sun will become a red giant, a fireball that consumes us all, if we’re still here when it blows.




6 thoughts on “We chew and spit you out

  1. Great post, Walt. Thanks.

    I’m in a weird place right now.

    I was in the most profound state of shock that day. I woke up that morning and couldn’t talk for an hour. I happened to have the day off, and I just didn’t say anything until I got up finally and went for a walk. My friends and I commiserated, etc… And then I went to work the next day, and put the public face on, and it seemed like everything had changed, but I was doing the same things.

    You mentioned “fuck it all” – and I can relate, of course – but what I’ve found is a sort of strength in the face of hopelessness. It’s like I’ve developed a new gear… and I have power that I didn’t have before. And through all the sheer wrongness, I’ve developed my ability to articulate why I react, why I roil, where my positions come from. It’s a form of self-care, for sure, but I feel like it’s a form of proactive reaction.

    Basically, I’m more determined than ever.

    I don’t know if that makes any sense. Like I said, it’s a weird place to be.


    • How you felt the next day is exactly how I felt. I remember thinking pretty much the same thought about how everything had changed, and here I am driving to work, here we all are just doing the same thing again, like nothing has changed. It was surreal.

      Well done on the proactive reaction. I like that mindset, and the phrase itself. I’m not quite there, but I’m also not as hopeless as I might have made it sound in the post. More than anything else, I’m sick of the extremist fighting on either end of the political spectrum, and the fact that it’s all but impossible to have reasoned conversation anymore. But I’m optimistic that things will improve. I think they kind of have to.

      Thanks for reading, Russ.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. No. This is not right. History and the trajectory of human beings is not a straight line. It isn’t linear. There are peaks of impossible height. And there are valley from which you never expect to escape. We will face crappy stuff. And we will clean off our shoes and go get a funnel cake. Sometimes, when you look down, the funnel cake is actually dog shit. But other times, it’s an extra helping of extra crispy dough with a mountain of ice cream. Strive for the ice cream, Walt. This is just a blip. That horrible man is just a blip. It will pass. It always does.


    • Good perspective, Trent. I appreciate it. It’s a blip. We’ll blip over it. Let’s hope we do. There was bad stuff in the past. Teapot Dome, and whatnot. And let’s hope the history books come out on the right side of this one, too.

      Liked by 1 person

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