Ode to Monster Cereal

Halloween doesn’t have to be all dark and gloomy — it can be silly and goofy too. And what better day than Saturday morning to revel in… this:

O, Monster Cereal!

Dan Pashman: npr.org

Your bad-for-you goodness brings such pleasure!

With your crunchy sugar crunchies and over-dyed marshmallow-like objects, how decadent you are!

Count Chocula – count me as your friend! You are superior to all Counts, even that one on Sesame Street.

Frankenberry – my Faithful Morning Companion. You are like the goofy, fun uncle who visits each morning and moans with inarticulate happiness as your gift is devoured, spoon by milk-dripping spoon. With insufficient mental capacity, you beat your fist on the table and bounce in your chair and guffaw with joy as I consume your unnaturally red space-age polymers.  

Lance and his Fruit Brute, as interpreted by the great Eric Stoltz.

Booberry – a marginally acceptable substitute for these others, but beloved all the same.

Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy – would that I had known you in my youth! Were you not available in Southwestern markets? You are the Zeppo and Gummo Marx of Monster Cereal. Fruit Brute, you owe a great debt to Lance in Pulp Fiction.

O, Monster Cereal, you false kick-starter of days, you. Thanks to you, I could not stay awake in class. I buried my droopy eyes in the in the crook of my jean-jacketed arm and slipped into a coma, brain and body collapsing from a lack of true sustenance. Without you, I would’ve been forced to listen to algebra lectures. These would have had a similar effect, but without your breakfast fun.  

chicnpink.blogspot.com

Le monsters de céréales, you put the monster in me. How I miss you!

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