Ode to Monster Cereal

Halloween doesn’t have to be all dark and gloomy — it can be silly and goofy too. And what better day than Saturday morning to revel in… this:

O, Monster Cereal!

bowl of cereal

Dan Pashman: npr.org

Your bad-for-you goodness brings such pleasure!

With your crunchy sugar crunchies and over-dyed marshmallow-like objects, how decadent you are!

Count Chocula – count me as your friend! You are superior to all Counts, even that one on Sesame Street.

Frankenberry – my Faithful Morning Companion. You are like the goofy, fun uncle who visits each morning and moans with inarticulate happiness as your gift is devoured, spoon by milk-dripping spoon. With insufficient mental capacity, you beat your fist on the table and bounce in your chair and guffaw with joy as I consume your unnaturally red space-age polymers.  

Lance and his Fruit Brute, as interpreted by the great Eric Stoltz.

Lance and his Fruit Brute, as interpreted by the great Eric Stoltz.

Booberry – a marginally acceptable substitute for these others, but beloved all the same.

Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy – would that I had known you in my youth! Were you not available in Southwestern markets? You are the Zeppo and Gummo Marx of Monster Cereal. Fruit Brute, you owe a great debt to Lance in Pulp Fiction.

O, Monster Cereal, you false kick-starter of days, you. Thanks to you, I could not stay awake in class. I buried my droopy eyes in the in the crook of my jean-jacketed arm and slipped into a coma, brain and body collapsing from a lack of true sustenance. Without you, I would’ve been forced to listen to algebra lectures. These would have had a similar effect, but without your breakfast fun.  

MonsterCereal BG


Le monsters de céréales, you put the monster in me. How I miss you!


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17 thoughts on “Ode to Monster Cereal

  1. You fell asleep in class: that must have been the crash following the sugar rush.
    My parents would never, ever have allowed me to eat anything like this. Even Coco Pops was a negotiation…


  2. We don’t have Monster Cereal in the Uk, so I’ve missed out on this one.
    But we did eat Frosties when I was a kid, which is a third sugar, so a good high-and-crash subsitute, though with only Tony the Tiger and no comedy horror overtones – give me humorous vampires any day over ‘Grrrreat!’ stripey cats.


  3. Pingback: Ode to Monster Cereal — waltbox — " БЛОГ РУСЛАНА К "..beautiful sexy woman

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