Clowns are pretty much automatically creepy. But what about a clown who does lots of very bad things, then paints a portrait of your spouse? Kristen of byebyebeer is the next guest poster of the season with this creepy piece about a creepy thing that is very creepy. Yikes!
The Creepiest Thing
from byebyebeer
The creepiest thing I used to own was a shark fetus in a mason jar. I had dissected a shark in zoology class and bringing home her perfectly formed baby seemed the only way to cope with the heartbreak of cutting in to find it there. I poured in some formaldehyde and screwed the lid on as tight as I could and had a biohazard on my bookshelf shelf until my parents moved while I was out of the country and I asked them to please dispose of my shark fetus. Also, please do not drop it.
Now the creepiest thing I own is a John Wayne Gacy, Jr. portrait of my husband. It was part of his dowry, so technically not mine. I am okay with this. An ex-girlfriend commissioned it from Gacy when he was in prison. At first it was intimidating but ultimately a relief to know I will never top this gift. Gacy must have painted this during his Brown Period because he gave my husband brown eyes even though his are swimming-pool blue. He also gave him a swirling halo of brown for his aura. Had I seen this earlier in our courtship, it’s hard to say how things would have turned out.
This painting is not worth so much, probably. Gacy’s clown portraits must go for a killing, but who would want a brown painting that looks like it was painted by a kid who didn’t make the cut for the mall art show? We hang it in our home anyway. This was a sore point at first. First my husband hung it in the living room but the plants died and we started bickering over dumb things, like who emptied the dishwasher more often, and the cats started acting really strange. Then we realized this had nothing to do with the painting but I made him move it anyway to the office on the wall directly behind the door so I could decide if I wanted to be haunted that day or cover it with the door.
It’s back in the living room (he put it there, I think) and the other day our daughter asked about it and I had to explain that it was supposed to be her father and also who painted it. She had never heard of John Wayne Gacy so I told her he was a man who dressed up like a clown sometimes and killed a lot of people, though not at the same time. I didn’t mention how he was a father from Chicago because her father is from Chicago. I didn’t try to explain Gacy’s murderous condition on a swingset-related head injury because I had been hit on the head myself with a metal pole in 1982, plus there was a baseball bat incident in 1978 and obviously I should have worn a helmet at all times, but I turned out mostly fine. We all have dark secrets, I suppose, but we don’t all bury 27 men in our crawlspace or even have crawlspaces. Maybe crawlspaces are a bad idea.
Which one of our girls will inherit the Gacy? Will they fight over it once my husband and I are gone? Will they forget what it is and donate it to Goodwill? I can picture it now, propped next to a noticeably better painting of a sad clown, forever beckoning in brown for us to look beneath our floorboards.
***
Truly disturbing, the idea of having that man’s artwork in the house. I would really rather have a shark foetus. A creepy, worrying tale.
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I would rather not have either. But I do prefer the British spelling of foetus.
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I prefer the British version of almost everything. (Except maybe breakfast). 🙂
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Agreed. No beans for breakfast.
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Although harder to remember I find – the spelling that is 🙂
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Clowns are kind of on the rampage over here right now. Seriously. You probably haven’t heard. At least I hope you haven’t.
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It’s spread here, apparently, with a particularly nasty account of a guy dressed as a clown, caryying a knife terrifying some 11 year olds as he folowed them to school. There are some seriously twisted people out there.
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Pingback: The Creepiest Thing – a Halloween(ish) piece on Waltbox | ByeByeBeer
That’s a super story you don’t hear every day, my lands. I’m going over to Kristen’s site now to tell her the same. Thanks for sharing that one, it’s a gem. My favorite line was about the plants dying and the cats acting strange when they hung it there, that’s funny. Bill
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I haven’t heard anyone use “my lands” in too long. Last week my daughter used “snazzy” in a sentence…fingers crossed both are coming back.
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I’m affected by the lexicon of my wife and mother-in-law. Jeepers creepers!
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My lands reminded me of my grandmother, who also used to say she was “liable” to do one thing or another only in her Maryland accent it sounded like “lobble” and had an angry ring to it.
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Holey smokes, what a gas. Thanks for reading and bantering, y’all are great folks!
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Okay, that wins for creepy and weird!
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A dubious award, but I’ll take it. Thanks for reading, Lorrie!
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I always knew she was weird, I just didn’t know how weird. Still love ya, Kristy!
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Aw shucks…
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Oh my Kristen, I’m speechless.
Sharon
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This is truly one of the creepiest things I’ve heard of. And for sure one of the creepiest things I’ve read, fiction or otherwise. It fits the bill for this sharing of stories, especially with it being real and all. Yikes.
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It’s easily the most disconcerting true story about a serial killer dressing as a clown then painting a portrait of a man that ends up hanging in the home of that man and his wife that I’ve ever read.
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Although I may have cornered the market on this specific genre, he had a mail order business of private commissions, raising money for an appeal trial that never happened.
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And just when I thought this couldn’t get more disturbing…
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Everything about this post was creepy, Walt. The video really sent the shivers through me. I wonder if the painting took revenge if you tried destroying it?
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Agreed, Hugh. Kristen said the video would pair well with the story, and she was right. Might not be wise to attack the painting, either.
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Nothin’ more diverting and upright than clownin’. Nothin’. The best clownin’ is what’s done by It in Stephen King’s, well, “It!” Walt, if you ask The Google Images for a picture of It, you’ll love it. I’d put the link here but links bug so I won’t. But, lemme tell you, It tops anything Gacy every killed or rendered with paint. ANYTHING. So good.
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I looked… And those were indeed quite disturbing. But to be quite honest, in general I don’t find clowns to be creepy or scary like some do. Or claim to. I’m sure some people really do, but I think the “I’m scared of clowns” bit is a little bandwagony, a little hackneyed. Just my opinion. No offense to any genuine clownophobes.
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I’m scared of them because they are horrible for never being necessary. Toward anything. I’m scared of them because under penalty of law I may not slaughter them. It’s just not fair.
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What about Bozo? You wouldn’t slaughtered Bozo would you? He’s not so bad.
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Awwwwwwwwwwww. Bozo is an exception. Forgot about Bozo. He’s old-skool, back when clowns actually had charm.
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