Wherein the writer asserts that he has Super Powers (and then proceeds to tell you about them).
Seriously, I do have Super Powers. And I believe that mine, like those of Superman, exist by virtue of my being in a foreign land. At home in Texas, I was just an ordinary guy. Not until I arrived in Poland did I discover that I could Bus Summon and Dog Squeeze. The former power can be pretty cool. The latter is a curse.
My Bus Summoning works exactly like Gandalf’s power to summon the steed Shadowfax. When Gandalf requires transportation, he simply calls for Shadowfax, and Shadowfax arrives within moments. This is because Shadowfax is magical, and has sensed Gandalf’s need ahead of time. Shadowfax begins traveling towards Gandalf early enough that he arrives mere moments after Gandalf realizes his need. In Poland, when I need transportation, I simply walk to the bus stop, and the bus arrives within moments. Common folk have to wait five, ten, sometimes fifteen or even twenty minutes. Not I. For in Poland, Gandalf I am, and the bus my Shadowfax.
It’s quite a pleasure never having to wait more than a few seconds before my ride rolls up and opens its doors for me. Sometimes I’m able to leave my apartment, walk to the stop, and step directly onto a bus without breaking my stride. Indeed, I often get the impression that the bus, if it could, would kneel down in order to allow me an easy climb onto its back. It’s really a marvellous power, this Bus Summoning of mine. There is, however, one small problem.
I don’t always get on the right bus.
You would think that after this had happened once, maybe twice, that I would learn to be more cautious in using my Bus Summoning. No. I can’t seem to use it any way but recklessly. Time and again I’m on the bus. I’m happy. I’m on time. I’m checking out the people on the bus. That guy has cool shoes. That girl’s kind of hot. Lady, keep your kid quiet. Then I look out the window and I see things — buildings, billboards — that I have never seen before. I blink. I furrow my brow. I think to myself what the –, and before I can even finish the thought, I think, oh no.
I scan the inside of the bus for its number. I don’t know why I do this, because having to do it is itself confirmation that something is wrong. But I do it, and when I’ve confirmed that the number of the bus I’m on is one of the dozens that I didn’t want it to be, the same thoughts always blast through my brain: Not again. I’m gonna be late. Where the hell am I?”
The good news is, however, that all I have to do is simply get off the bus and board another. I won’t have to wait long. I’ve got Bus Summoning. And I will get where I need to go. It just might take awhile.
(Here ends Behold My Super Powers, Part One. Part Two will feature many references to poop and pee.)
I am liking the Bus Summoning very much, a worthy super power if ever I saw one.
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It’s not as good as flying or turning into flame, but it does come in handy.
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Turning into flame is overrated, in my opinion.
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I can see that. It’s not a very practical super power. More like a party trick.
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That’s right. Where as Bus Summoning – now, that really is a super power.
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More, please!
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Oh there is more to come, but it’s going to be a little gross.
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Slather it on there I’m hungry and have been drinking.
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Thank goodness the bus I take tells me where it is going before I get on it. Well, the nice driver will usually tell me, and we now have those nice flashing signs inside the bus that show us the route.
Bus Summoning sounds cool, but Dog Squeeze? What’s that all about then?
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Well, it’s my own fault for using my power so recklessly. I should pay more attention.
Dog squeezing is not cool. It’s more of a super unwanted power. Stay tuned for part deux.
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Looking forward to it. I just hope it’s something I can’t catch, especially with being a dog owner 🙂
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Now this is an interest. And this is it: You’re just a bit lazy. See, if you practiced a bit more, I’m so sure you could catch the right bus.
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I think you’re right. I am just a bit lazy, or more than a bit, too. Good advice.
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I have the power to catch the right buses on time, but every so often I am reminded that I am, after all, a mere mortal when I completely miss my stop.
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Now that is a good power. I hope you are using it wisely. Getting off at the right time, though…that is a different power all it’s own, i think. Imagine if you had both. How powerful you would be.
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I imagine that all the time…
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Pingback: The Creative Blogger Award!! | fredtotherick
Hi just to let you know you have been nominated for the liebster award, check out my post https://ace5blog.wordpress.com/2015/05/21/liebster-awardyay/
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Thank you so much for this nomination! I am moving out of my house and moving across country this week, but I will try to respond when the dust settles. Thank you again!
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🙂
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Pingback: Leibster Award nominations – Awards, huh, good god y’all … #2 | Word Shamble
Reblogged this on asiyaavine.
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Nice blog you have!! 🙂
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Thank you very much!
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May I one day summon a bus that shall not reek of puke or B.O., and carry my can of Weirdo-Be Gone no more, thank you.
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If I could wish you a super power that would be it.
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Walt Walker…what a blog ! I have super powers too…well only one and that is the power to repel busses !!! As I approach a bus stop the driver closes the doors and drives off…I am ace at using this power, when people see me going for the bus, they either run like crazy to get there before I limp into view or go home and have another coffee until the next bus is due….I’ll have to buy a car methinks. Great blog, I am now one of your devoted followers…can’t wait to read about your ‘Dog Squeezing’ ( is that even legal ??)
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I wonder what would happen if you and I were waiting at the same bus stop. Would it be like matter / anti-matter? Pasta / anti-pasta? These are things that need to be considered. Thanks for the blog compliments!
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