Mr. Erly’s Appointment ~ A Screenplay

Awhile back I posted a story called The Good Doctor. In that post, I mentioned I reworked that story into the opening scene of a screenplay. I did the same thing with another story for the second scene. That story was called Mr. Erly’s Appointments, I have not posted the prose version of that story, but here it is in screenplay format (or close to it – WordPress’s tools can only do so much).

If you’ve never read a screenplay, it can be a little weird. A screenplay is like an architects blueprint for a building that’s not yet built. You have to imagine all the bells and whistles of camera movement, set design, actor’s mannerisms and interpretation of the dialogue, etc. If you are up for it, here goes…

 

CLOSE UP

Letters on opaque glass in a door: I. Haight, Ph.D.

INT. DR. HAIGHT’S WAITING ROOM — DAY

Empty but for the receptionist, DARRYL, who wears a black turtleneck. He’s filing paperwork while dancing to the office Muzak.

DARRYL

(singing to himself)

Where, oh where, do these papers

go? / The file, dear, is not here!

Into the waiting room comes the world’s greatest dork, RALPH ERLY. About 35, he wears a sport coat over an I Love Lucy tee-shirt tucked into cheap slacks. His glasses hang crooked by one ear-piece. He carries a briefcase.

DARRYL

(singing to himself)

I lost the folder I guess, distress!

My file, oh dear, is not here.

Erly slaps his hand on the counter, ringing an imaginary bell.

ERLY

Ding ding ding ding!

DARRYL

(spinning around)

Goodness, Mr. Erly! What are you doing here?

ERLY

Couldn’t wait, dude. Tell her I brought

a little something for us both.

Erly waggles the little somethings for Darryl to see – they are hot dogs from a street vendor.

DARRYL

Mr. Erly, this is the doctor’s lunch hour.

ERLY

Exactly!

DARRYL

Exactly what, Mr. Erly?

ERLY

Dogs, dude. Come on, they’re getting cold.

DARRYL

Mr. Erly, did you not get our message?

ERLY

Huh?

DARRYL

We left a message at your motel.

 Something has come up. The doctor can’t see you.

ERLY

Get outta here. I got an appointment.

DARRYL

I’m sorry. We left a message.

ERLY

Is she coming back?

DARRYL

Well, it’s not that she’s not –

ERLY

Yes or no, dude, come on, you’re killing me.

DARRYL

I don’t know.

ERLY

(taking a seat)

Good enough.

DARRYL

(sighs)

Mr. Erly, I’m not certain she’ll have time –

ERLY

Dude, yo comprendo, okay? Soy waito.

Darryl glares at Erly.

DARRYL

Fine, rest your buns, I don’t care.

Erly drums his fingers on the briefcase in his lap. (The lid is plastered with stickers – The Florida Marlins, Miami Dolphins, Star Trek IV (the whale one), Phish (a band), and a bumper sticker reading “I Brake For Fish.”  More on this later.)

Erly sighs. Checks his watch. Makes fart sounds.

He opens one of the foil-wrapped hot dogs. Sniffs it. Pokes a finger in it. Eyes the finger. He’s about to lick it when —

The waiting room door crashes open and in storms Dr. Volcan Blaise.

Blaise marches down the hall to Dr. Haight’s office.

ERLY

Hey!

Erly jumps up.

ERLY

Who’s that dude?

DARRYL

(filing his nails)

The one o’clock.

ERLY

No!  I’m the one o’clock!  Me!

DARRYL

We left a message.

Blaise knocks on the office door.  The door opens, Blaise steps inside, and the door shuts behind him.

ERLY

You said she wasn’t here!

DARRYL

No, I said something came up.

Erly paces the room, checks his watch again.

ERLY

This is baloney!

Erly breaks for the office.

DARRYL

Mr. Erly!

ERLY

Big baloney!

Darryl shakes his head and sighs, then begins to buff his nails.

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE DR. HAIGHT’S OFFICE

Erly straightens his jacket, breathes deeply.

Combs his greasy hair (no improvement).

Whips off his glasses and pockets them.

Squinting, he takes a deep breath.

He puts two fingers two his wrist and counts silently.

INT. DR. HAIGHT’S OFFICE — DAY

Erly enters, hot dogs in hand, squinting to see clearly without his glasses.

Blaise lies on an analyst’s couch, shoes off. DR. HAIGHT, the analyst, is behind him, applying a cold compress.

HAIGHT

Oh, Christ.

ERLY

Same to you.  What the

piss is going on in here?

BLAISE

Who’s he?

ERLY

I’m the one o’clock, who are you?

Approaching the couch, Erly stumbles over one of Blaise’s shoes.

BLAISE

(to Haight)

You said we’d have some time.

HAIGHT

I wasn’t expecting him to just barge in.

Shoe in hand, Erly gropes for Blaise’s foot, squinting.

ERLY

He’s the one who barged, I saw it.

This is my time, bozo, I have an appointment —

(forcing shoe onto foot)

— get your piggies in here!

Blaise rips the shoe from Erly’s hand. Erly cowers, startled, but not defeated.

HAIGHT

He didn’t get my message.

ERLY

I got it about twenty minutes ago when

jerk-ball out there said you weren’t here.

Erly fumbles with the knotted laces of the second shoe, trying to untie them.

HAIGHT

Mr. Erly, I don’t have time for this.

ERLY

Why?

HAIGHT

It’s an emergency.

ERLY

(biting the knot)

So am I!

BLAISE

(ripping shoe from Erly’s mouth)

Stop that!

HAIGHT

Mr. Erly, you need to leave.

ERLY

Ira, this is highly unprofessional.

HAIGHT

I agree.

ERLY

I had an appointment!

HAIGHT

An appointment. Not a date.

ERLY

You haven’t seen me yet!

BLAISE

Make him go, Doctor.

ERLY

You shut your yapper, mister!

Haight steps between them, ushering Erly backwards to the door.

HAIGHT

Now, Mr. Erly!

ERLY

Ira, please.

HAIGHT

Out.

ERLY

But I brought dogs!

HAIGHT

I don’t want dogs, Mr. Erly. Or tulips,

or whatever else you have today, unless

it’s a check that won’t bounce.

If you have that, you may leave it with Darryl.

Haight shoos Erly backwards into the hallway.

Undaunted, Erly steps forward, but he and the slamming door bounce off each other.

ERLY

But Ira, I love –

HAIGHT

Don’t say it, Mr. Erly.

ERLY

But I —

HAIGHT

Don’t!  I’m a doctor, not… don’t.

The door slams.

Erly drops his head, sighs.

Knocks politely on the door.

No response.

Punches the door.

No response.

Throws his shoulder into the door, again and again.

ERLY

Break! Break you stupid door!

Erly whips out of his jacket a Colt 45. Holding it backwards, he hammers the knob. And hammers. And hammers.

The door swings slowly open.

Erly freezes, gun pointed at himself.

Blaise stands in the threshold, smoldering.

HAIGHT’S VOICE (O.S.)

Jesus!  Darryl, call 911!

BLAISE

Are you going to use that?

Erly remains frozen.

Blaise glares.

Erly stands frozen, staring at Blaise.

BLAISE

I didn’t think so.

Blaise slams the door in Erly’s face.

FADE OUT