Ode to the Upside-Down Squeezable Ketchup Bottle

kethcup gif 2O, Upside-Down Squeezable Ketchup Bottle!

You are a relatively recent invention.

I remember a time before you were born.

Such a Miserable Time!

A time dominated by your uncompromising predecessor made of glass.

He was not squeezable.

Nor was he cooperative.

We thumped his bottom while holding him upside down.

Usually nothing happened.

Until too much happened.

This was a nuisance, and not efficacious.

Not efficacious means it did not achieve the desired result.

The desired result = ketchup delivered onto the food below in controllable portions.

Decades passed.

Geniuses contemplated better ways.

Such is the march of Science! Of Commerce!

One day, visionary genius capitalist scientists said Eureka! Let’s put this stuff in delicious plastic!

Let’s turn the whole thing upside-down!

People will just squeeze it out with physics!

No more senseless pounding.

No more ballyhoo.

Capitalism made

the first world

even better.

Seinfeld_Ketchup

________

featured image: flickr.com / davetoussaint

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15 thoughts on “Ode to the Upside-Down Squeezable Ketchup Bottle

  1. Odd indeed, I was just having squeeze ketchup on a cheese-onion bun. Ketchup was in my crossword this morning…remember the glass bottles in cafes before the sad little portion-thingys and the pump? they had a weird black rime around the usually rusty cap, often some slob would leave a french fry or even a weiner down inside. A bitch to fill from the #10 can, oh but I’m aging myself, fine ode to ketchup, thanks.

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    • Well, clearly ketchup and its various containers are a hot button issue today. As they should be. I am quite fond of them all. Would that we were all so attuned to this important topic. Thank you, W. Odd. I do enjoy you coming around. I’ve never heard of a cheese onion bun, though. I hope it’s delicious?

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  2. I don’t know about you, but I find sometimes when squeezing out the ketchup from those plastic bottles, that as much comes out as did when you had to really smack the bottom of the glass bottles. Why? Because you have to squeeze the plastic bottles so hard sometimes to get anything out. I’m certainly glad we still get the glass variety over here in the UK. I found the best trick to get the ketchup out is to insert the top of a knife or bottom of a teaspoon into the bottle and scope a little out first. Then shake the bottle hard (with the top back on of course) and hey presto, out comes the ketchup. Well it works for me anyway.

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    • I don’t know, Hugh, that sounds like a lot of work. I think I’d rather just smash the thing and pick out the shards. Now the glass bottles are very classy, granted, and I don’t want to smash classy things. And I did do some exhaustve research on the topic before sitting down to write my thesis. Apparently thumping the bottom is all wrong. We’re supposed to be tapping the label with two fingers. It’s a sweet spot, or something. Something to do with viscosity, or some such. The old kethcup physics. Not the new. But the new is much easier to understand. 1) Squeeze. 2) Get kethcup. Perhaps the plastic in the UK is thicker than what we’re getting here in the States. This might be a topic for further study.

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      • I’m gonna give tapping the label with two fingers a go, next time a new bottle is started in our house. You could well be right about the plastic bottles over here in the UK being a little thicker. I’m in New York for a few days in November and I will conduct some experiments when there. I’m sure the hotel will not mind me carrying out the experiments on your behalf. I’ll just give them your name if they ask 🙂

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