O, you magnificent Hipster, you!
You independent thinker, you counter-cultural devil!
Let us hear you espouse progressive politics and appreciation for art, indie-rock, and witty banter.
Let us hear you pooh-pooh your favorite band after they get played on the radio.
You are so hip!
Look at you puttering about your urban neighborhood in vintage thrift store clothing, tight-fitting jeans, complicated shoes, and special glasses.
Your messy hair bespeaks of effortless cool.
I see you are shunning mainstream advertising and media! (Except Apple).
And how diverse your friendships are!
But you reject the dude who says bro as your oppressor!
I suspect your choice of coffee is impeccable. Do you grind your own beans? But of course!
Hipster, you are the pioneer of trendiness! When we catch up with you, you have moved on. Or have begun to circle round behind us to wear something we stopped wearing long ago, after you moved on because we caught up with you. You are so sneaky!
Say, what are you writing on that typewriter? Is it code for an app? You silly goose! How ironic!
Hipster, if I can teach you one thing, let it be that – the true meaning of irony.
Funny hats are not ironic. Just funny.
And you, Hipster, are exquisite!